Jan 11 2018

New Art in 2018 .

It’s been 5 years since I have posted anything. I have made an promise to create more Art in 2018, and this is the beginning steps in making that true.? No grand post, yet. Just sending out a homing beacon to let you know I am still alive.


Mar 29 2013

Creepier than it sounds.

I think and talk about my art a lot. In fact, I spend a lot of time trying to put in words how I would describe my work. I have always been close, which frustrates me more than having no clue at all.


Out of no where it hit me, at least closer then I have every been.


It was one of those blinding moments of clarity.


“Exploitation of innocence”.


Now as bad as that sounds, it does take me a little bit to describe what I mean.

When I have taken portraits I have to admit the need for an Art director. I have always had very little purpose for the shoot other than to get said model in front of a camera. Of course, as creepy as that may sound it was much creepier in practice.


Thing just worked out just fine for me.


To be honest, I like the results. It was all such a great experience. Sure awkward at times, but it pressed the model and me to just produce fun exciting and uncomfortably sexually charge images.


We would talk about life and she would come out of her shell during the shoot. Doing things that she maybe not do in front of a camera normally. I take pride that I get to see a side of someone that people normally don’t see.



Mar 16 2013

Missing my Photography.

I don’t know what I have to do, to get back into photography. I guess we can eliminate the obvious answers  (take more pictures). I would guess that part of my photography on the other side of the lens.

I know it’s my fault… I have communication issues, I am a bad art director when I get someone, let face it.. I am big wuss when it comes to talking about what is it I am after fro the model and really… when it comes down to it all.. I have no idea what I want.

So it’s all the models fault.

Apr 23 2012

New work.

First shoot in a while, feeling great. It was a really good “first shoot” from the both of us.

totally felt fat.

Mar 29 2012

Back again. and this time with Finished work. Commerical even.

Finished my first tattoo project.? Designed for a friend and they got it done by a talented tattoo artist

Mar 12 2012

On a Upswing.

You know when you get feeling bad and then you put some comfy clothes and watch your favorite movie or listen to some really good music.  You may even grab something bad for you to eat or drink.

You start to feel better right?

I was thinking about this and I am wondering if we are fooling ourselves into happiness.  Hear me out…

I just got done a stressful final, and I stayed up too late watching “Book of Eli” (great movie by the way). As the movie ended… I felt way better. Odd isn’t it?

I was wondering if we are way stronger then we give ourselves credit for.     I mean… it’s not the ice cream that is empowering you is it.

then I thought… maybe it’s because you let the fear and stress wash over you…and let all the other self protection mechanisms be turned off.   and for quite possibly the only time in your day… get to be you.

Not the you that society gets to see… the strong you…and you pull your tragic injured society you out of the unhappiness hole.

Imagine what your life would be like if you were the strong you all the time.

p.s. you can still eat the ice cream, watch the movies and put on the comfy clothes.   🙂

Mar 6 2012

what kind of artist am I?

I think this issue arose before websites, yet I am going to partially blame them. When you sign up to share your work with others on most sites you have to label what type of artist you are or what themes you handle in your work. Whether you are using the site for the pure joy of sharing you work with others or for free self promotion, you have to think somewhat about what kind of artist are you. You have to label yourself.

I always have found that this is limiting, especially on certain websites. You have five main categories to choose from and you can only be one at a time. For instance you can only be a portrait photographer but not also a landscape photographer or illustrator. What if you do all three? Do you then need separate profiles for each? If you have separate profiles does this mean you have to have separate emails, contact info and identities?

Most importantly though… I have no idea what type of artist I am or want to become. I mean, I am a photographer, but is that enough to say? Should I clarify that I am a portrait artist or photographer of the female form or is this too limiting or confining? I do landscapes too, and I draw. If you want to know the truth I am learning to program computers, I already build computers and I write sometimes.  I am not supposed to do all these things? Do I need to leave some for others to do?

“Sorry sir… all the computer-building slots are taken. Have you thought about accounting or gymnastics?”     

This issue goes back to some of the work I do. Some of the work I do is very sexual, but I would never say I am an erotic artist. Not that there is anything wrong with being that type of artist but I find myself reluctant to limit myself to only do that type of art. I fear myself being thought as an erotic artist who draws and repairs computers. So, what makes this extra fun is that I have trouble with the search for models. I don’t seek erotic models but my work may say something else.


I also think that “looking for an erotic model” may limit things the other way as well. The sensuality I seek in most of my work comes from a place of honesty and even naivety. It is not some role or some created fantasy that is to be played out in front of the camera. Maybe I am looking at erotic models all wrong, maybe they understand exactly what I mean to do even better than I might.


I want to be as general as possible to attract enough attention but I want my work and description of my work to serve as an accurate reflection of what I intend to do. I don’t feel like my work is always erotic but I feel labeling it that may cause even more issues. I would see it as even more troubling to find out your photographer is actually has three different identities?


To make the issue even more complex, I can see the beginning of this concept in some of my work… but the idea has never fully formed. I want to make sure I can get the work I want done and be good at it.. so I don’t come off as a bad porn artist. I think that how I may proceed is to not label myself, and to find someone that I can work with again and again over a long period of time. We will collaborate and let the work mature without per-conceived notions.

Feb 24 2012

Drawing and broken bones.

I have a tendency to get overly excited about stuff I get involved in. That being said, I am recently rekindled my love of drawing.  I am incredibly rusty but I am determined to not only to get back into to my prime but sharpen my skills even further.

I can see now where I was making my mistakes.  But it is something that I do reflexively that needs to root out.   Kind of like a badly set bone that has slightly re-healed and then needing re-broke to be reset.

And about as painful.

I am severely inpatient and this is going to take a long time…Frustrating long to say the least.  Since however I enjoy my work I want to change and become better. Not just draw the same things over and over again, but do something better.


In the mean time I will continue to draw and enjoy all the tiny little steps in between were I am now…and the “better” I am looking for

Feb 21 2012

My first love was illustration. Its mistress ended up being photography. I am trying to have a threesome.

I have always believed in the power of the sketch.  I have a tendency to leave it at the sketch. To me when people “finish” some work it does not have the same level of energy in once did. It seems to be a process in which the idea that the artist was intending to work at is at some point entombed.  I attribute this to a lack of either skill or vision by the artist. Either way the artist at some point loses the feeling or buries it in the wrong technique.  I worry that in my case it is a mix of both; not being emotionally able to finish the work I intended and not having the skills sharpened enough to do it justice.

A couple weeks ago, in trying to restart my portrait photography, I submitted my work to an open critique.  It was to a bunch of professional photographers and they were neither kind nor subtle. They basically informed me what I have should have been told a long time ago.  My work lacked direction, it lack professionalism, lacked skill at mastering the elements, and my work also would look better if I didn’t show anybody ever again.  In essence, it sucked.

It actually did take a while for me to stop licking my wounds, but they were right on all accounts. I could see all the points they made and agreed. It made me take a good look at my art in its entirety and not just as pieces that I am working on.  All the things that I love to do can be combined and that I would need to work on all the different media I like to work in.

This critique has made me take stock in my skill set: what I need to sharpen and work on. I want to combine both drawing and photography both together.

t has also encouraged me not to shy away asking the hard questions and doing the type of art I want to do.  I have always wanted my work to be safe and very non-threatening.  I am not exactly sure what has stopped me in past from making my work what I have wanted to honestly express.  I don’t know if it was mere lack of vision, not wanting people viewing my work to make harsh judgments about me and my work, or even worse and more complex; I wasn’t didn’t want to look at what I wanted this work to be.

I am sure the answer is there somewhere.  I would even add to the list that I haven’t taken the time to figure out what I wanted in the first place.

Feb 6 2012

What I do and how I do it.

If you have ever been to church or that type of gathering you may have heard of “unspoken” prayer requests. The person who wants the prayers asks silently (or through someone else) because he is either too embarrassed to ask for himself or it is too personal or painful situation to talk about. Later, when someone close to him dies of something horrible you are shocked. You wonder “Why didn’t he tell me/us this before?” This question, if actually asked, is usually answered in an indignant manner “What do you think the unspoken prayer request was about?”

I have trouble listening to people when the give me feedback on my work. It is really not on purpose. For some reason either mentally I filter this feedback out or the people giving me feedback left something unsaid.

I feel the feedback is all good but the specific thing I need to hear is sometimes left unspoken. After many years of having all the bits and pieces floating out there, they are now all connected. I now understand what I doing wrong.  However I had to hear it was from one of the unkindest sources: other pro photographers.

The only thing I wish is that someone had told me these problems years ago, in a way I couldn’t filter out. I am sure someone has tried, but for some reason didn’t say the right key phrases to put the gears in motion.

Moving on, I am not sure how to get this to happen sooner in the future. I have a bad problem with being able to ask the right question to elicit get the right sort of feedback. In order to move to next level of my work I have to figure this out.

So I will put it out there now… I had no idea that I was as bad as I was with people pictures. I, in fact loved my work, but didn’t understand why others didn’t.